Week 5: Prompt 17 'You've lost it. Where is it?'

Feeling confident, I studied hard for a week.  I feel great about the exam.  Only two hours to go.  I go back through the index cards, focusing on the highlighted areas.  I've got them all memorized now.  I know my shit.

I drive to campus listening to Adel.  I feel like it's gonna be a great day.  I find parking, which is rare at UMaine.  Of course, it's only 8 a.m. so that would be why I find a spot.  Any later the lot is packed like a damn can of sardines.

Oh no, I should have eaten breakfast, or maybe taken my vitamins and fish oil.

I get out of my car and start my trek to the Onward building where my exam awaits.  I can feel the nervousness set in.  What the hell?!  "I know my shit!  Stop the negative thoughts already!" I tell my self.

Yup, you guessed it...test anxiety...MAJOR!  That's why I take my exams at the Onward building!  Quiet room, no distractions, time and a half.

As I open the door, I get this overwhelming feeling.  I don't know if I want to shit or puke!  I feel nauseated and feel a ball of nervousness in the pit of my stomach!  My head feel like a foggy morning!  The dew sets in.  "Oh my god, I don't remember anything!"

I walk up to the desk and say, "I'm here, but I need to review my cards for a minute.  I will be ready in five." Sue nods with approval.

As I feel a sweat break, I began to shake.  I feel like I'm going to throw up!  I'm losing my friggin mind!  I can't focus, I can't think!  I can't remember a fucking thing!

I look at my cards and say to myself, "alright, calm down, you studied hard, you KNOW this!"  While the other part of me is saying, "yeah right!"  I flip through them one by one, I know this stuff.  Now I just need to believe in myself.

Walking back to the desk, I'm feeling more confident.  Sue hands me my exam.  As I leave her office and walk up the stairs, I began to shake and trip up the steps.  I peek at the questions on the first page.  It's all a blur!

I pull up my chair, take a few deep breaths.  My trembling hand picks up the pencil.  Question by question, I fumble through.  Staring and shaking.  I jump all over the place from question to question.  I remember bits and pieces and need to go back.

"I know this shit, why can't I remember?  I can do this.  I'll get through it."  I tell myself doubtfully.

Times up, I need to turn it in.

Back down the stairs, back to Sue's office.  I hand it in.

This is the history that repeats itself, exam after exam!  The end is near, last semester is here.  Of course, the toughest class, biochem, the one I need to complete my degree; is the only one I have exams in.  "Only two more to go, yup, I can do this."